|
|
Sunday, November 23, 2003
this upcoming week is a long idul fitri holiday for most of us here. banks & offices close for a week and thousands of jakarta residents make an annual exodus of mudik (going home) by various means of transportation - buses, trains, ships, cars, motorcycle... they are going back to their hometown to celebrate the post-fasting month. it's a tradition which is hard to avoid eventhough it's really stressfull for some people. let's wish them a safe trip. stelly @ 11:03 AM Wednesday, November 19, 2003 our fragile lifehow fragile our life is. one second we can be talking face to face with our friend, the next two seconds we get news that he has a car accident. everything can change in a single moment. i'm glad my friend is all right. it's not even his fault as he's about to take the ticket in the toll road line and suddenly a truck hit his car. how unpredictable the situation can be. always wear your seat belt. u'll never know when u'll get into an accident. every day, we all take risks, and sometimes we have no control over it at all.our life, as well as others', can be taken from us in any countless number of ways. we could get ill. we could get attacked by the thieves. we could slip and fall in the bathroom. let's value everything precious we have now - our parents, our brothers & sisters, our best friends, our dear ones... don't slip a single opportunity to thank them for their support and love. life is so fragile, yet so full of opportunities. the greatest gift god could ever give us is the gift of life. everyone alive is trully blessed. let's use that incredible gift to the utmost. let's not waste a day. let's do something worthwhile for others. let's live everyday to the fullest, and never being afraid to take risks. remember how in an instant the music can stop... stelly @ 6:57 PM Friday, November 14, 2003 equilibriumdzien dobry, everyone! (good morning, polish)finally, i exercised! together with 3 other friends who have the same spirit, hopefully i'm able to keep this up, at least 3 days a week. it really felt great to touch the water again... :) now some tips from the expert... *who? ME, of course! ;D* we must find time for the things important to us. HEALTH is the number one priority. it means eat, sleep, and exercise well. if we neglect it for long enough, it will surely demand our attention over the others, resulting in health crisis. how well we take care of ourselves will influence everything. for example, we cannot help others or work if we're sick. taking care of our health is the only way to maximize our contribution to our family, friends, and society. what are the other areas? well, as for me, it includes family & friends, work, fun, personal growth, & significant other (romance). all of them should be balanced. life is more fragile than we'd thought. people come & go in our lives and as we grow older, it takes a commitment to maintain the relation. in this busy world of ours, we often forget to treasure and norture our relationships with FAMILY & FRIENDS. as adults, we sometimes forget how important they are for us to having social balance. WORK refers to anything that must be done, like school or job (career) or household works. be cautious in spending your time for this area, especially for career. we don't want it ruins the other areas, right?! my career means something that provides me with the opportunity to earn income, meet new people - interact with them - express myself, and develop my potential. i'm loyal as long as all of them are still provided by my current job. and then there is FUN - which cannot be neglected - it means relax & enjoy life, release the stress, experience new thing. it's good for physical & mental health. next PERSONAL GROWTH which has something to do with SOLITUDE. i guess each person needs quite time to recharge their batteries, a personal "time out" period to work on self. lastly, our ROMANCE PARTNER. whenever possible, combine several roles at once so we can make it win-win solution. the most easiest example is having fun together with our boy(girl)friend. each of us has a unique picture of what life balance means and how we want to achieve it. we have control over our own life, like how much of our time & resources we want to dedicate to which area. only WE know what is best for us. we don't have to balance it perfectly, we only need to balance them in a way that best expresses our potential & role on earth. enough for today's lesson. have a well balanced life for all! stelly @ 9:23 AM Wednesday, November 12, 2003 funny how life can play us sometimes. at the time i've decided something, several temptations showed up as if testing me whether it is really the way i want it or whether i'm able to resist those tempting offerings.. sometimes i feel like i'm truman in "truman show" and my move was watched by other viewers-whom-i don't know-who. talking 'bout truman show and all reality shows produced and favoured these days, there is "jennicam", a website where u can see jennifer ringley, a real woman, doing her activities in her home. a series of cameras were located throughout her home and u can watch her working at her computer, watching tv, sleeping, or even being intimate with her partner. would love to know your comments on this idea... stelly @ 11:24 AM Tuesday, November 11, 2003 there's is something in the air last night!i couldn't sleep last night. was it because of the heat? or perhaps i was too excited to sleep? one of those nights when i couldn't sleep was when i got invitation to come & stay for 3 months in french. i was too excited that night as it was the first time for me to go abroad. the other night i couldn't get my brain to shut down was when i got hospitalized for the first time. and then there was last night, when my thoughts couldn't stop racing... thinking about him, about our conversation, and about how everything flows. it felt like a dream though i've been thinking about the possibility and pouring quite lots of tought into this. still wonder what is the right way to make all pieces of this puzzle fit so that i can live happily ever after...?i must admit it's a pleasant surprise though. and i thank god i still get a chance to experience this kind of feeling again. i've took one little step ahead and i'm excited about this first step in my journey. i know that my life might never be the same again. well, let's see what tomorrow brings. if i had to describe all the feelings i had today, i'd probably say there was a sense of excitement in the air. ;) stelly @ 5:35 PM Friday, November 07, 2003 equality in domestic areai was astonished to know that my friend looks for a wife who is willing to SERVE him. it's one of the criterias he put on his list except the woman must be also beautiful, smart, understanding, listen to him, and not stubborn. i cannot believe that idea really comes from my friend who is living and working in modern society and belong to those so-called new generation. ok lah, he was raised in a conservative chinese family which i know exactly puts the man superior than woman and gives all the privileges to the man to be served by his wife. even i once heard it's a humilitation for the man to work at the kitchen.come on... the world changes and so the way people perceives things. cooking for example. both men and women these days should know how to cook. it's just not fair to put all the burdens to the wives to clean the house, to cook, and to SERVE the husband while she also has been working all day! where it goes all kartini struggles if some modern men still think that kitchen area is not the place they should be, as well as the cleaning, the washing, the taking care of the children, and other domestic houseworks. the idea of wife as maid, mother, and chef that has been brainwashed into their head doesn't fix anymore in this 21st century. for me, the ideal picture of couple is when the husband works with the wife hand-in-hand. i have the best example myself which is my own father (i have a polish father and a chinese mother). since their first year of marriage, my father shares the household works with my mom. he cleans the floor, helps with the laundries, and most of all fixes any devices that require assembly. well, i'm not married yet, but i know for sure that's what i want from my husband when i am. that's what we call "understanding man". may their tribe increase! sorry if i sound cynical... i just want to stress my point that man and woman are equal partners. of course i don't mind serving my husband hot cups of coffee while he is watching tv... but that initiative comes more because i love him and not because i owe him something or worse because that's my obligation to do that as his wife. and i would also love to have cups of milk tea specially prepared by him. that means equal. equal with specialization, of course. i can depend on my man when it comes to the tasks pertaining craftsmanship and he can depend on me on financial management. in conclusion, modern man must be supportive of his wife's career aspirations, an equal time father, and if possible, a cook in the kitchen, too. period. stelly @ 9:21 AM Thursday, November 06, 2003 so i finally moved to a new room upstairs with a big help from mbak as and her little daughter, also should not forget to mention my muscled friend *or at least soon-to-be-muscled-man hehehe*. thanks to them the process didn't take too long. alone we can do so little, together we can do so much, right?! so everything is in the right place now - the bed, the desk, the table, the mini compo. i love changes in my life. i like the feeling of experiencing new environment, new surroundings, new friends, new boyfriend... *ups, better not continue the list* those stuffs make my life more colourful... coz... *don't tell anyone* the truth is... i'm a woman with wings... i cannot stay too long in one place... and one quote to complete my previous post: "being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it means that u have decided to look beyond the imperfections" stelly @ 10:07 AM the art of letting golong time ago i sent an encouraging e-mail to my singaporean friend and can't believe he still keeps it until now... here's his warm e-mail sent to me this morning...> Stelly > > whenever I'm down or disappointed, I will read wat u hv sent below. > > Thanks for yr friendship > > Les ... so thought i'd share that encouraging message to u all... The Art of Letting Go Dr. Alan Zimmerman's Comments: Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's inevitable. Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems. In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get. You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find your productivity slowing down as you spend more and more time thinking about the slight or telling others about it. Eventually, if you don't stop doing it, you'll even get sick. So what should you do the next time someone betrays you? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS. Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings. In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings. You choose them. For example, two different people could be told that their suggestions made at the staff meeting were "stupid and idiotic." One person may "choose" to feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The other person may "choose" to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the critic couldn't see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions. As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim. But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do. Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT. It's difficult to do, but it's possible. The famous 19th century Scottish historian, Thomas Carlyle, proved that. After working on his multi-volume set of books on "The French Revolution" for six years, Carlyle completed the manuscript and took volume one to his friend John Stuart Mill. He asked Mill to read it. Five days later, Mill's maid accidentally threw the manuscript into the fire. In agony, Mill went to Carlyle's house to tell him that his work had been destroyed. Carlyle did not flinch. With a smile, he said, "That's all right, Mill. These things happen. It is a part of life. I will start over. I can remember most of it, I am sure. Don't worry. It's all here in my mind. Go,my friend! Do not feel bad." As Mill left, Carlyle watched him from the window. Carlyle turned to his wife and said, "I did not want him to see how crushed I am by this misfortune." And with a heavy sigh, he added, "Well the manuscript is gone, so I had better start writing again." Carlyle finally completed the work, which ranks as one of the great classics of all time. He had learned to walk away from his disappointment. After all, what could Carlyle have done about his burnt manuscript? Nothing. Nothing would have resurrected the manuscript. All Carlyle could do was to get bitter or get started. And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices. Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up. It's like the farmer who had an old mule who fell into a deep dry well. As he assessed the situation, he knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift the heavy mule out of the deep well. So the farmer decided to bury the mule in the well. After all, the mule was old and the well was dry, so he could solve two problems at once. He could put the old mule out of his misery and have his well filled. The farmer asked his neighbours to help him with the shovelling. To work they went. As they threw shovel-full of dirt after shovel-full of dirt on the mule's back, the mule became frightened. Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Each time they would throw a shovel-full of dirt on his back, he would shake it off and step up. Shovel-full after shovel-full, the mule would shake it off and step up. In not too long a time, the exhausted and dirty mule stepped over the top of the well and through the crowd. That's the same approach we all need to take. We need to shake it off and step up. Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the other person doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It's difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong. Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behaviour is okay. And forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook. He's still responsible for his misbehaviour. Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviours. It's about letting go of the past so you can go forward to the future. Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead of most people. You'll be able to live above and beyond your circumstances. Action: Identify two people that have disappointed, hurt, or angered you. If possible, select two people towards whom you still have some bitterness. Then ask yourself, "How does my bitterness serve me? Am I happier holding on to it? Do I sleep better? Is my life richer, fuller, and better because of my bitterness?" If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make a decision. Actually decide to let it go. Walk away from the disappointment -- which means you no longer dwell on it or talk about it. Period! stelly @ 9:29 AM Monday, November 03, 2003 it's monday again!it's enough now. i have to move upstairs. when i came this morning and saw my shoes weren't at the position they should be i've already guessed there must be something wrong. so helped by mbak as, i opened the carpets, with the agreement to look for a room upstairs after i come back from the office. hopefully there is still one good room left for me *which i doubt*. i like my room now, although it's small because of the border wall, especially because my ex-boyfriend helped covering the window with mosquitto netting with extra effort. but never mind... nothing lasts eternally. i've got to have the spirit again, as my friend said in his message sent this morning... so, have a nice monday everyone!stelly @ 8:47 AM |
